Chapter 2 – “Can I Hold
Your Baby?”
As I touched on in Chapter
1, strangers on the bus love to give babies their index fingers. Of course I don’t know where your index
finger has been, I don’t want to know.
There were some people that actually told me where their fingers
had been when I give them a look which clearly implied that I didn’t want my
children to touch them. “I
promise I just washed my hands” – Really?
You JUST washed your hands? – Was there a curb-side sink at the bus stop
that I somehow missed? No, you didn’t JUST
wash your hands.
Yes, of course I realize
that it’s cute when a baby can grasp onto something, yes babies are adorable
and sometimes irresistible – but, you know what else they are? They are susceptible to germs, they are
carriers of teeny tiny (brand new!) immune systems, and above all they are SO
sad to behold when they are sick. So I
ask you, on behalf of all parents, grandparents, nannies, etc who have had to
endure this; please, please don’t give your quite possibly clean but more
likely filthy (I don’t care which it is) hands to my tiny baby on public transportation.
We were riding the bus one
time and got squished up next to an older woman who fell into this
category. I could tell as soon as I saw
her, she was one of them. We weren’t
next to her for 2 minutes and sure enough... out comes the index finger! Lily was a little bit older now, maybe a year
or so, so I was starting to get a little better at dealing with the
strangers. I pulled Lily’s hand away and
said, “Honey, it’s not a good idea to touch other people’s hands on the
bus”. I wasn’t mean, I wasn’t rude, I
said it in the nicest voice I possibly could (after all, I was directing the
comment AT my daughter instead of at this woman) and she became suddenly
HORRIBLY offended, as if I announced to the bus that she was filthy and
diseased and how DARE she lay hands on my child. As she pulled her hand away, Lily reached for
it (thanks Lil…really helped me out on that one) – and the lady said, “I’m SO
sorry honey, but apparently your mother
has a problem with me touching you” – Now she and my daughter have somehow
conspired and I’M the bad guy.
Though, this was not nearly
as bad as the woman who sat next to me and asked if she could “please please
please hold the baby?”. That was a
first. While there are a lot of people
who love to give their index fingers to babies, I have encountered only one
stranger who asked if she could actually hold her. Its worth mentioning that this girl was
wearing a gold halter-top and was covered in body glitter. She looked to be in her mid-30’s, and was
actually very beautiful. I told her
something about Lily getting upset around strangers (not true) and that she
would have a hysterical fit if anyone besides me held her (also not true) –
because I figured that was nicer than saying the truth: You
must be high if you think I’m going to let a stranger, a stranger covered in
body glitter and 5 pounds of make-up no less, hold my baby on her lap on this
crowded, horrible ride home. Please,
share whatever it is you smoked before you boarded this bus so that I too can experience
the total lapse from reality that you must be enjoying right now.
At least she didn’t tell
me that she just washed her hands, which of course would have been a lie as
they too were visibly covered in glitter.
lol!
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