Rain Etiquette

Chapter 5 - Rain Etiquette 

Several of the items on my list might fall into the category of things you would assume people would know, but unfortunately, you would be wrong.  Here’s a list of rules I think should be posted on the wall of the bus, or maybe on signs at the bus stop….for the rude, the oblivious or the just plain stupid. 

1 – You are not 4 feet in diameter, therefore you don’t really need an umbrella that is.

2 – You are not the Wicked Witch of the West.  A few drops of rain are not going  to kill, melt or even harm you.  You don’t need to keep your umbrella open as you step onto the bus, and then stand there fidgeting with it to get it closed while the rest of us wait behind you to get in.  A few drips won’t kill you, but if you don’t MOVE IT, I might.  Everyone's hair looks like hell today, deal with it.

3 – Sure, that poncho looks sweet, and clearly it’s keeping you dry, so good on ya’.  However, now that you’re reaching your arm across my body to hang on to the pole, your wet poncho is dripping all over my baby’s face.  Perhaps you could move your body a little closer to said pole rather than leaning over and practically on top of me.

4 – Your umbrella is not too valuable to touch the floor of the bus, therefore, if you have to put it down for a second to get your metrocard or your phone out of your pocket, put it on the floor.  Putting it on the seat just makes you an asshole.

5 – We’re all getting wet.  It’s pouring out.  There is no way you are going to stay 100% completely dry today, and here’s the big shock, you’re NOT the only one dealing with this weather.  So please leave all sighing, eye-rolling and above all whining to the teenage girls that do it best.  It’s not becoming of a middle-aged man.

6 – Watch your umbrella!  In the unlikely event that I actually get a seat, please don’t hold your dripping wet umbrella over my lap.  See # 4.

7 - For the MTA, please try not to suck more than usual today just because it's raining.  Try to make machines that don't break down when it's raining or snowing.  Try not to cluster all the buses together so that if we miss one, we don't have to wait 20 minutes for the next one, which pulls up with 2 other buses RIGHT behind it...or better yet, one FINALLY shows up and it's ....

8 – Today’s the kind of day that you should be especially nice and courteous to the elderly, the handicapped, the pregnant, the exhausted 37 year old toting a wet toddler and a baby strapped to her side (the wet toddler whose monkey rain hat keeps blowing off causing multiple melt-downs)…. Her husband has been out of town on business since last Saturday and it’s been a pretty long and exhausting week.  She’s doing her best, but she’s VERY tired and losing her patience, so if you could not shove past her to get on the bus first, just once, just this ONCE, that would be really appreciated.

(seriously, how cool would it be if that were posted on a sign at my bus stop) ;)