Keep it movin', Sweetie...

Chapter 8 – “Keep it movin’, Sweetie”

Something funny that happens on occasion is when I’m talking to my kids and I’m standing next to or behind someone who doesn’t see my kids and they think I’m talking to them.  For example, when the bus pulls up, and Lily is reluctant to step forward and I say, “Come on, let’s move!”, sometimes the person in front of me will turn around, ready to protest what they think is a comment to them, only to see that I’m talking to my children.  I’ll admit that I now do this on purpose sometimes, directing an occasional comment towards my daughter, hoping the person in front of me will think I’m talking to them.  Yes, it’s passive/aggressive, so sue me, I do what I can to co-exist with these idiots.  

Like last week when this guy bought his ticket at the little machine at the bus stop and then just turned around to face the street without moving to the side, still standing RIGHT in front of the machine so no one else could get to it.  Apparently since his ticket has been purchased, he felt no one else needed access to the machine.  On top of that, he was wearing a giant George Costanza Gore-tex coat, so I couldn’t get around him if I tried.  So, I said, “Other people need to get to that machine, baby doll” and when he turned around ready to confront his accuser, I quickly looked down at Lily as if I was gently scolding her for standing between me and the machine. 

And another time:  There’s a sassy old lady that I see pretty regularly in the mornings.  She wears a black fur coat, loads of bright red lipstick and her hair is insane.  Since she is not actually Cruella De Ville, I want to tell her that that look isn’t really working for her .  Sometimes when the bus pulls up, she pushes ahead to be the first to board, but then just stands there.  I don’t get it.  I guess she needs to be the first one on, but then wants to make a big show of taking her time.  Or maybe she wants to make one last scan of the street to see if there are a few puppies she can make a coat out of, I don’t know….  Anyway, one day I got right behind her and when the door opened and she just stood there I said “Keep it movin’, Sweetie” then when she turned around, appalled that someone would actually speak to her in such fashion, I said it again but this time clearly directing it at Lily.  Watching her puffed up angry reaction was fun and I’m looking forward to trying it again the next time I see her.  I just have to come up with a way to justify why I’d be telling Lily that she looks like a Disney villain.