When WE are the Problem...

Chapter 11 – When WE are the Problem...

I have lots of stories and complaints about people being totally uncool to and around my kids when we take the bus, but of course I realize that we are sometimes an annoying component of their daily commute as well.  Most of the people riding my bus are not Mom’s or Dad’s taking their kids to school or daycare, they are people simply trying to get to work with as much calm and quiet as they can (and since I’m a member of both of these groups, I do empathize with both).

I realize that it can be annoying to have little kids playing, screaming, singing, kicking, etc during one’s daily commute.  Lily has been loud on occasion (I can’t really include Diego in this theme because he never makes a sound on the bus.  He’s actively campaigning for baby of the year – incidentally, he’d love your vote) 
Of course what I see as my darling, adorable, angelic little girl being creative, gifted, entertaining and endearing, the woman across from me will see as loud, annoying, obnoxious and well, loud (had to throw that in twice for good measure). But, for the most part, she really is pretty good -- She’s a city-mouse with 3 years of bus-commuting under her little belt, she knows how to be kind, courteous and respectful ....a mini mass transit pro.  So, with that feather in my cap, I’m going to allow myself to jump from the parent group to the worker group for just a moment and respectfully submit a list of just a few simple things that I think parents taking their kids on the bus should know.  (these are all based on things I have seen other kids do on my bus)

#1 – The bus is not a picnic, a lunch table or a restaurant.  
A few snacks in your bag to keep your kid occupied are a great idea.  Cheerios, pretzels, goldfish crackers…these are normal, easy snacks for the bus and highly recommended.  Yogurt is not.  Feeding your kid yogurt off a spoon on a moving bus is just not a good idea.  Those gross yogurt in a tube things are probably not a great idea either.  Someone’s gonna end up wearing 1/2 of it....and the other 1/2 will end up on the seat, which brings me to....

#2 – Other people will be using the seat after you leave.  
If your kid leaves a dozen cheerios on the seat, brush them off before you leave.  It’s not cool that the next person to sit there will have cheerio crumbs all over their butt all day because you let your kid make a mess and left it there.

 Also, muddy or wet shoes all over the seat.... also not cool.  Of course, please put your baby or toddler into the seat – we don’t want to see them go flying when the bus stops short – but, don’t let her stand on the seat or put her feet all over the place – again, just not cool.

#3 – Fold up the stroller – 
I would LOVE it if I could have brought the stroller onto the bus without folding it up.  It would be so much easier to just leave a sleeping baby alone and carry the whole thing on like people do on the subway, but it’s just not allowed.  If you manage to get on through one of the back doors without the driver noticing, you’re going to block the entire doorway and no one can get on or off at the other stops. Or, at some point the driver is going to notice your open stroller, then he/she will loudly announce: “you have to fold the stroller. we are not moving until you fold up the stroller.  we will all sit here and wait until you fold the stroller...” at which point everyone around you will get mad and start yelling, and then we’ll all have to wait while you try to fold up your stroller in a tiny space, then your baby will start crying, then people will yell some more. It’s not fun.  Just do yourself a favor and fold it up before hand. (or better yet, ditch that stroller all together and look into BABY WEARING! –... see Chapter 10) ;)

#4– There is probably a volume button on your kid’s video game.  
Use it.  

#5 – Watch your kid.  
Look, I didn’t sign up for this playdate, but our kids are stuck sitting near eachother on the bus and now they’re playing together.  I think that’s wonderful and I hope they’re having fun, …however – if toys are played with and it’s time to get off the bus and return them to their rightful owner, you might actually have to get involved.  I’m not the only parent aboard this vessel, so please don’t make me be the one to discipline your kid while you sit back and pretend you don’t notice your little darling trying to pocket my daughter’s toys. 

#6 – Please don’t “reason” with your kid while the rest of us listen to him scream or watch him misbehave.  
I would not dream of telling someone how to raise their children.  Lord knows I have no idea what I’m doing, and I don’t claim to know what’s best.  So, far be it from me to question your whacky tactics.  If your kid misbehaves at home and instead of punishing them you ask them to calmly describe their emotions to you, that’s fine.  

That's your headache and years of therapy down the road, but for right now, while your kid is spilling a bottle of glue all over the floor of the bus, don't calmly say, "Blaine, what are you feeling about that?", or "Dakota??  Are our emotions taking over this morning??" -- Immediately take the glue away and tell her to STOP or someone else on the bus probably will.

#7 - Don't let your kid lick the window.

Ummmm, don't let your kid lick the window.



#8 – Carry tissues.  

I don’t know why it seems like kids noses run ten times as much on the bus.  I feel like every time I see a kid on the bus his nose is running.  What’s up with that? 
Anyway, carry tissues in your pocket and help your poor kid out.  
Also, carrying wipes is not a bad idea (NOT feminine cleansing cloths, as discussed in chapter 1!!!) -- 

#9 – Don’t worry about the rest of us.  
Honestly, if your baby is crying, don’t worry about it.  Many of the people on this bus are miserable a-holes that would knock an old lady over sooner than they’d give her a seat.  So, if you get a bus-full of dirty looks because your baby is crying (and sadly, you probably will), so be it.  Don’t let it bother you.  Just worry about your precious bundle and the rest of us can all F off. 

Thank you for riding New York City Transit!