Chapter 15 - "Mama, we did our best"

We had a particularly rough morning earlier this year.  It was about 13 degrees outside (one of the FEW very cold days this past winter), Lily and John Diego and I were all sick.  We piled on layer on top of layer on top of layer and then coughed and sneezed and shivered our way to the bus. The bus was packed, we squeezed our way on with all the other freezing people who were probably having just as rough of a morning as we were.  JD’s in a side carrier on my hip, so I had one free hand to hang on to the pole (no, of course we didn’t get a seat), and the other hand to hold onto Lily as she gets flung around every time the driver stops short.  By the time we got off the bus and walked to the daycare, we were frozen, exhausted, pretty much ready to end our day rather than just begin it.  We were defrosting in the lobby of the building when Lily looked up at me and said, “Mama, we did our best”.  Yeah, I guess we did.

And so I realized something, I guess most of these stories that are sometimes funny or frustrating really gave me some parenting moments that I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere else, for better or worse.  (In my limited experience of being a parent for just over 3 years…) 

It struck me one day just how lucky I am to have these adventures when I was actually riding the bus by myself, heading to a doctor’s appointment on my lunch break. Lily was probably about a year old at the time, already at the daycare for the day.  I boarded the bus, I sat down (of course when I’m by myself and not struggling with kids and multiple bags, there are MORE than enough seats) and there I was.  Without the baby I could read a book, I could listen to music, I could flip through a magazine, I could make a phone call, and here’s the thing:  I was bored.  I was beyond bored.  The bus was mine and Lily’s thing and I didn’t like doing it without her.  I wanted my girl there with me to point out all the dogs she saw out the window, or to throw her elmo doll at a stranger, or to play rockstar concert with her princess dolls on my lap.  It was a nice, calm, quiet, easy, in fact relaxing way to travel, and I didn’t care for it at all.  Lily did that for me.  She changed my normal, she changed my routine.  She made it messy and hectic and sticky and frantic and loud and she made it wonderful and hilarious and something I will always treasure. (And obviously this applies not just to our nonsense on the bus, but to everything in life that is so much better now that I get to share it with my kids).  Anyway, I guess I’m keeping and recording these stories for them so that we never forget these ridiculous experiences. 

Lily is a city mouse who doesn’t know that our morning ritual is a bit crazy.  A barrage of strangers trying to touch her and feed her and give her mother unwanted parenting advice…that’s her normal, and the fact that she made it so fun and so hilarious is just further proof of what an amazing little girl she really is.   As for John Diego, well – he’s a national treasure because usually he just sleeps through the whole thing….as I’ve said before, he’s actively campaigning for Baby of the Year.

So, I know that I am actually very lucky to have these funny experiences with my kids.  Of course sometimes it sucks, and it might be nice to throw my kids into car seats and head out in a nice, warm car without crazy people trying to share their food, their advice and their colds.  But then I wouldn’t be able to commute while participating in the daily rock concert that lily’s dolls have on her lap, or just staring at my son during a bus ride while he sleeps on my lap.  And even though I really don’t like making small talk with strangers, it is nice, it’s actually really nice to have people you don’t know tell you on a regular basis how beautiful your children are.  I’m not saying the bus is great, or even good, or even bearable.  But, while I am forced to use it as a way to get from Place A to Place B with Lily and JD, I’m trying to appreciate the time I’m spending with them on it, to make the most of it, to even enjoy it.  (and what the heck, it gave me something funny to write about from time to time)

That said – we’re packing up and moving out.  

I’m taking my city mice and moving them to the beach, where they will learn to appreciate sand, pork roll, and Bruce Springsteen…This will actually be our LAST week of riding the M15 every day.  So, I guess that’s the end of the “Tales of Public Transportation” part of my blog – but, I’m quite sure that the “MadMom” side of me will still come up with something to complain about, or ponder out loud…..

I’ve had about 1,300 site visits to my blog so far, which has been really nice – Thank you all for visiting, and I really hope you all keep reading…..  something tells me that that I’ll be able to come up with something to say about raising kids at the Jersey shore….stay tuned!

Chapter 14 - Would you like to sit down? (SIGH!!!)

I’ve been pregnant on the bus, I’ve been carrying a baby on the bus, I’ve been carrying a baby in one hand and a stroller in the other, I’ve been carrying a stroller in one hand and holding a toddler’s hand with the other with a baby strapped to my side in a carrier and a breastpump in a backpack on my back, I’ve been pregnant and limping, I’ve been carrying multiple bags, a wet umbrella, a stroller and a baby, I’ve been pregnant while carrying a 2 year old in one hand and a bag of Crumbs cupcakes in the other that I was desperately trying not to squish  – (you get the picture…..) – and there have been many many many many days where I was not offered a seat….which is fine, I don’t deserve a seat anymore than anyone else, and I’m sure everyone else on my bus has their list of valid reasons why they too would like to sit down.  I don’t complain (not right then and there anyway – complaints were generally saved for snippy facebook status updates – yeah, I’m really tough, huh?), I don’t sigh and carry on… I’m not any more entitled to a seat than say, someone who doesn’t look like a Sherpa trying to get her kids onto the bus… But, if I’m being honest, there have been days where it would have been REALLY nice to have been offered a seat.  Who gets to sit down on public transportation is an urban phenomena that I watch play out daily.  Sometimes it’s amusing, sometimes it’s upsetting and sometimes it makes me want to slap people repeatedly with all my might.

I once overheard someone on my bus say something about a handicapped person not choosing to be handicapped, but that a pregnant person had a choice.  Yes, that was their argument for why NOT to offer a seat to all the pesky pregnant ladies out there.  Personally I think that argument is stupid, but we’re all entitled to our opinions.  During my pregnancies, I never asked anyone to stand up so that I could sit down and I will continue to offer my seat to a pregnant lady every time I see one because I’ve been there and I know how exhausted she is.  Wait…that’s not really true.  I will continue to offer my seat not just because I’ve been there but because, well, that’s just the decent thing to do and my parents didn’t raise me to be an asshole.

Now, this first story didn’t actually happen on the bus, it happened on the subway.  I was riding the N train with my nephew who was visiting from Texas.  I was visibly, quite-obviously pregnant at the time (this was in 2008, I was pregnant with Lily).  My nephew and I were standing in the middle of the train.  About 5 minutes into the ride, a man sitting down in front of us looked up and said, “oh young lady, where are my manners?  I can’t possibly sit here while you have to stand?  Please, please take my seat!!”.  I was just about to say, “thank you so much” and put my tired swollen self into his seat when I realized that he wasn’t talking to me, he was talking to the cute young girl next to me.  She was about 18 years old and very pretty (she was not pregnant.  She was not handicapped.  She was not ill or injured in any way, just very young and very cute).  She was embarrassed and said, “no thanks, I’m fine” and he went on and on and on AND ON about how could he possibly sit down when such a lovely young girl had to stand and where were his manners and blah blah blah… So, I guess it’s not entirely fair to say that chivalry is dead.  It’s not dead, it’s just grossly misguided.

Well, the reason I was thinking about all of this today is because this morning was just more of the same…..  Here’s how it went down:

I shuffled onto the bus with the kids, JD’s in the carrier, Lily’s on foot.  There are no seats, but as soon as we got on a man sitting down noticed us and stood up right away.  He offered his seat and I said, “that would be great, thank you” – then I told Lily to hop into the seat.  It’s easier for me to stand up with JD strapped to me (THANK YOU Baby Wearing!!) – then to try to hang on to all 30 pounds of Lily every time the bus stops short.  A woman sitting in the seat next to the one Lily just took says to me, “why don’t you sit down instead?”  – to which I say, “it’s easier for me to stand and give my daughter the seat”.  To which the woman says, “well, that’s ridiculous, you’re holding a baby.”  Ummmmm, Seriously???  That’s “ridiculous”?  You have a problem with the three year old taking the seat?? If it’s bothering you so much lady, why don’t YOU get up and give me your damn seat??? (unfortunately I didn’t say any of that, that’s just a bit o’ my inner monologue) --   THEN she says,”I think he offered his seat because you’re holding a baby”. So, apparently I’ve got some nerve….carrying a baby as some sort of seat-needing decoy, just so I can then put my toddler into the seat instead.  You’ve figured me out lady!! – Better check my son to make sure he’s real and not just a device in my evil plan to let my daughter sit down.  Fortunately, someone who was NOT a miserable bitch was listening to the whole thing, stood up and said, “here, why don’t you sit next to your daughter”, and I did.  So, hooray for us – we scored 2 seats and once I sat down Lily and I played pretend Strawberry Shortcake and her friends are in a rocky boat that has an elevator up to their castle and tuned out everyone around us, including miss nosy-pants.    I guess it’s just further evidence that there are some people out there that are so bored, or so miserable, or so out-of-touch that they make the rest of us feel like we’re being observed in some sort of social experiment.  Perhaps that’s what my bus actually is.  Wait a minute…is that it???  Is it simply that my commute for the past few years has been some sort of “Truman show” and I’m going to bump into a piece of the set any day now and the whole thing will be revealed! – 
Does that mean I’ll get paid for any of this??

Chapter 13 - Stone Cold Ladies Man

Last week we had to take the kids to a dr’s appt.  We were riding the same bus I always take to get home, but about 2 hours later than I usually take it.  About 2 stops in, a man almost fell on me. He apparently had lost his footing as the bus took off, tripped over a walker that another man had left completely blocking the aisle, grabbed at the walker to steady himself, but lost his balance anyway and almost landed on yours truly (sound familiar? – only difference was, this time the guy was not enormous).  Anyway, he ended up flipping the walker over on to its side, and in doing so spilled the beer that the man with the walker was drinking out of a brown paper bag. 

 So to recap: in one motion, guy almost falls on us, walker gets flung over, beer goes flying and spills all over the place.  (note-  the beer-drinking owner of the walker was seated and was not injured in anyway, save the fact that he’s now out one beer)  A woman sitting across from him says to the man who fell, “hey! – that was your own fault!  You should NOT have grabbed his walker to catch yourself!  You were being laaaaaazy!  That’s YOUR fault sir!  That is YOUR fault, SIR!” – He takes his handkerchief out and starts cleaning up the beer, at which point the walker guy says, “it’s not your job to clean up the bus, just have a seat, man” - - and he does.  The two men seem to have forgiven eachother and all is well, but the woman across the way is still upset about the whole incident.  “He spilled your beer!!!  You’d still have your beer if he weren’t so laaaaaaazy!!”   Another stop later, the guy who tripped and almost fell on me got off the bus and the woman and the guy with the walker continued to talk.  Turns out her mother lives in the same neighborhood as he does, and she tells him that he looks familiar to her, at which point he says, “They call me Huggy Bear, I sing R&B, I’m known everywhere”.  I’m not sure if he rhymed on purpose, but I definitely loved what he had to say and he had my attention for the rest of the ride.  The conversation continued and they started to talk about the TV shows that they like – they discussed Davy Jones and his recent passing.  Huggy Bear said that didn’t realize as a kid how “corny” the Monkees were, but now he knows…oh yeah baby, now he knows… – They talked about the telanovellas she likes to watch, mostly because she thinks the men are beautiful.  Huggy Bear said, "I wouldn't know anything about that, baby, as I am without any doubt a stone cold ladies man”.  He rattled off a few of his favorite shows that he still likes to catch when they’re on…the list included 

Good Times, 

Soul Train, 

Sanford and Son 

aaaaaaaand Gidget

   

 Around the time we got off the bus, the woman was sharing her list of favorite shows and wanted to know why there is always “at least one token fat person” on every show she likes to watch.   That’s pretty much the last part we heard, he still loves Gidget and she wonders about the overweight folks on all her favorite shows.

I would like to mention that my husband was with us on this particular bus ride (time out -  it seems that there’s some unwritten blogging rule that you are supposed to refer to your husband as “the hubs”.  I’m afraid I won’t ever be able to refer to him as “the hubs”, I’m sorry – I’m just going to have to stick to calling him by his name, which is Tony)  So, since we were coming from the kids doctor’s office, Tony was with me for our ride home that night, and I’m glad he was because when things took a turn for the interesting, (which they always do on my bus) he was there to witness it.  I’m happy about this mainly because he is a member of the Doubting Thomas tribe who questions the validity of my “bus stories” saying I’m making them up.  I promise you I have not made up one story that I have posted on this blog.  I wish I was able to conjur up characters like Huggy Bear, but I’m simply not that creative.  So, Tony said if he weren’t with me to see it, he would have thought I was inventing or exaggerating, I assure you that I am not.  Huggy Bear, stone-cold ladies man, walker tipped over, beer went flying, loves Gidget….it’s all real, baby.

Chapter 12 - "It's Exploitation!" : A heated fight over American Girl Dolls

 Chapter 12 - 

This morning on the bus, Lily and I unintentionally caused an argument between two women about American Girl dolls. 

 I don’t really know enough about American Girl dolls to have a strong opinion one way or the other.  I have an opinion…its just not a strong one… meaning – I don’t really care that much....certainly not enough to get involved in a fight on the bus -

One thing I do know about them is that they are expensive and knowing my daughter, it’s not going to be long before they land on her “must have” list, and she’s one of those kids that heard the phrase “collect them all” on a commercial, and she intends to do as she’s told.  “But Mama, the commercial said to COLLECT THEM ALL!” – Anyway, its one thing to spend a lot of money on a doll, but its the accessories for the dolls that are really out of this world  – you can buy them anything from crutches to eyeglasses to a baby grand piano (for $150…not kidding)  To me this is madness, but if there are people out there who have that kind of money and want to spend it on a piano for a doll, then who am I to judge?  (Especially because I'm sure I'll have to eat my words when my daughter is a little older and I'm knee-deep in such madness.)

American Girl also has something called the Doll Hair Salon, which I should probably just take my daughter to if for no other reason than I’m sure I could have a really great blog entry after that experience.

I wonder how much these women drink before their shift starts:

That said, I'm not writing to promote or trash American Girl dolls, they're super cute and I'm sure my daughter will love them when she's older and I'll have to make reservations for doll brunches and doll ear piercings and then I can start a blog called "Crazy Sh*t I Do With My Kids"...but, in the meantime, and for the purposes of this blog, I'll get back to what went down with the crazies on my bus.

I got on with the kids and actually scored 2 seats right away (yes!).  Diego is in the carrier on my lap, Lily is next to me, and on the other side of her is Woman A (we’ll call her Apollo Creed).  Lily was carrying a doll with her, (not an American Girl doll, one of her “LaLaLoopsey” dolls). 

  Apollo says to Lily “what a funny doll, what is her name?”, at which point Lily gets a little scared and turns to me and says, “YOU tell her” – so, feeling like an idiot I turn to the woman and say, “That’s Mittens Fluff-n-Stuff”.  Apollo gives me a small courtesy laugh and I’m hoping that’s the end of our exchange for the morning, but of course it’s not.  She wants to chat with Lily, not me....  She tries again, “where did you get that doll?  Did Santa bring her??” – Lily again turns to me and says, “YOU tell her”, so I tell Apollo that Lily got the doll for her birthday from her Grandmother.   I’m hoping that after not one but TWO “YOU tell her’s” from Lily that Apollo will give up on the chats, but nope…she’s persistent.  So, here comes attempt #3 -- Apollo: “Does your Grandma like American Girl dolls?”, which was a tad random.  I’m not sure why she would ask or care whether or not my Mom likes American Girl dolls and I’m not sure what that has to do with the LaLaLoopsy doll that Lily was holding, but I guess she was just riffing on doll questions at that point. Lily looked at me like, “I have no idea what to say to this woman” and again said, “YOU tell her”. Not waiting for our answer, Apollo then launches into a monologue of all things American Girl Doll…maybe she works there or something, I don’t know –– but, she told us about all of the wonderful services and things that AGD has to offer, (this, incidentally, is how I know that there is a doll hair salon…Apollo told me) – She also told us that you can take your doll to a tea party or to brunch, ("...but you have to make a reservation!" she said in a sing-songy voice) and you can even get her ears pierced. I had to look that one up to see if it was actually true, and she’s right.  You really can get your dolls ears pierced, for $14.  It even comes with a "tip sheet for home care" - which I really want to get just so I can see what the hell tips they have for "home care" of a dolls ears.

  Well anyway,  when Apollo got to the part about ear piercing, that’s when Woman B stepped in  (we will call her “Rocky”) – Rocky says LOUDLY, “It’s Exploitation…THAT’S what it is!”  I wasn’t aware until that moment that Rocky was even paying attention, but she had apparently heard enough.  And quite honestly, she was a little too heated right out of the gate in my opinion. Maybe she had other stuff going on, I don't know -

Unfortunately (and I'm very sorry -- this really sucks from a "story-telling" standpoint)  I missed most of the point-counterpoint that followed because right when it started to get good Lily got bored with the whole thing and started singing LOUDLY (for a kid who gets so shy when a stranger asks her a question, she has no problem belting out Under the Sea RIGHT when I’m trying to enjoy a good fight)   - From what I COULD hear they mostly went back and forth about the positives and negatives of AGD’s.  Apollo was more on the defense, whereas Rocky brought some serious anger to the table. Apollo never said why she knew so much or cared so much about AGD's, and if Rocky ever stated exactly why she was so passionately angry about the whole thing, I certainly missed it – I have to say I’m annoyed that it was because of us that the fight started in the first place, and I didn’t even really get to enjoy it….

Lucky me, I can't believe I was seated in between the two women who would actually take this so seriously....