Chapter 14 - Would you like to sit down? (SIGH!!!)

I’ve been pregnant on the bus, I’ve been carrying a baby on the bus, I’ve been carrying a baby in one hand and a stroller in the other, I’ve been carrying a stroller in one hand and holding a toddler’s hand with the other with a baby strapped to my side in a carrier and a breastpump in a backpack on my back, I’ve been pregnant and limping, I’ve been carrying multiple bags, a wet umbrella, a stroller and a baby, I’ve been pregnant while carrying a 2 year old in one hand and a bag of Crumbs cupcakes in the other that I was desperately trying not to squish  – (you get the picture…..) – and there have been many many many many days where I was not offered a seat….which is fine, I don’t deserve a seat anymore than anyone else, and I’m sure everyone else on my bus has their list of valid reasons why they too would like to sit down.  I don’t complain (not right then and there anyway – complaints were generally saved for snippy facebook status updates – yeah, I’m really tough, huh?), I don’t sigh and carry on… I’m not any more entitled to a seat than say, someone who doesn’t look like a Sherpa trying to get her kids onto the bus… But, if I’m being honest, there have been days where it would have been REALLY nice to have been offered a seat.  Who gets to sit down on public transportation is an urban phenomena that I watch play out daily.  Sometimes it’s amusing, sometimes it’s upsetting and sometimes it makes me want to slap people repeatedly with all my might.

I once overheard someone on my bus say something about a handicapped person not choosing to be handicapped, but that a pregnant person had a choice.  Yes, that was their argument for why NOT to offer a seat to all the pesky pregnant ladies out there.  Personally I think that argument is stupid, but we’re all entitled to our opinions.  During my pregnancies, I never asked anyone to stand up so that I could sit down and I will continue to offer my seat to a pregnant lady every time I see one because I’ve been there and I know how exhausted she is.  Wait…that’s not really true.  I will continue to offer my seat not just because I’ve been there but because, well, that’s just the decent thing to do and my parents didn’t raise me to be an asshole.

Now, this first story didn’t actually happen on the bus, it happened on the subway.  I was riding the N train with my nephew who was visiting from Texas.  I was visibly, quite-obviously pregnant at the time (this was in 2008, I was pregnant with Lily).  My nephew and I were standing in the middle of the train.  About 5 minutes into the ride, a man sitting down in front of us looked up and said, “oh young lady, where are my manners?  I can’t possibly sit here while you have to stand?  Please, please take my seat!!”.  I was just about to say, “thank you so much” and put my tired swollen self into his seat when I realized that he wasn’t talking to me, he was talking to the cute young girl next to me.  She was about 18 years old and very pretty (she was not pregnant.  She was not handicapped.  She was not ill or injured in any way, just very young and very cute).  She was embarrassed and said, “no thanks, I’m fine” and he went on and on and on AND ON about how could he possibly sit down when such a lovely young girl had to stand and where were his manners and blah blah blah… So, I guess it’s not entirely fair to say that chivalry is dead.  It’s not dead, it’s just grossly misguided.

Well, the reason I was thinking about all of this today is because this morning was just more of the same…..  Here’s how it went down:

I shuffled onto the bus with the kids, JD’s in the carrier, Lily’s on foot.  There are no seats, but as soon as we got on a man sitting down noticed us and stood up right away.  He offered his seat and I said, “that would be great, thank you” – then I told Lily to hop into the seat.  It’s easier for me to stand up with JD strapped to me (THANK YOU Baby Wearing!!) – then to try to hang on to all 30 pounds of Lily every time the bus stops short.  A woman sitting in the seat next to the one Lily just took says to me, “why don’t you sit down instead?”  – to which I say, “it’s easier for me to stand and give my daughter the seat”.  To which the woman says, “well, that’s ridiculous, you’re holding a baby.”  Ummmmm, Seriously???  That’s “ridiculous”?  You have a problem with the three year old taking the seat?? If it’s bothering you so much lady, why don’t YOU get up and give me your damn seat??? (unfortunately I didn’t say any of that, that’s just a bit o’ my inner monologue) --   THEN she says,”I think he offered his seat because you’re holding a baby”. So, apparently I’ve got some nerve….carrying a baby as some sort of seat-needing decoy, just so I can then put my toddler into the seat instead.  You’ve figured me out lady!! – Better check my son to make sure he’s real and not just a device in my evil plan to let my daughter sit down.  Fortunately, someone who was NOT a miserable bitch was listening to the whole thing, stood up and said, “here, why don’t you sit next to your daughter”, and I did.  So, hooray for us – we scored 2 seats and once I sat down Lily and I played pretend Strawberry Shortcake and her friends are in a rocky boat that has an elevator up to their castle and tuned out everyone around us, including miss nosy-pants.    I guess it’s just further evidence that there are some people out there that are so bored, or so miserable, or so out-of-touch that they make the rest of us feel like we’re being observed in some sort of social experiment.  Perhaps that’s what my bus actually is.  Wait a minute…is that it???  Is it simply that my commute for the past few years has been some sort of “Truman show” and I’m going to bump into a piece of the set any day now and the whole thing will be revealed! – 
Does that mean I’ll get paid for any of this??